I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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