its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
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