i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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