Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
