We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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