I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
