Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
