I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
