there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize
