I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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