What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
