I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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