What a fucking waste of an outfit
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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