im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
It's shark week go big or go home
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
