you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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