your room smells of hookers.
And success
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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