One girl and one boy is just not enough.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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