Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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