I CAN MOONWALK!
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
