Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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