Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
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