He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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