I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
