Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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