So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
