I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
There's always time for handjobs
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
