I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
