i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
