i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
