Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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