we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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