I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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