The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
