Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
