i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
