So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
