eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
