Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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