You made me cry and you don't even care
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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