Will you blow on my dice?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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