So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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