Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
