I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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