Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
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