she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
