I can text with my tongue
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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