there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
