wanna go halves on a baby?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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