the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
