Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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