it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
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Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
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This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
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