Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
