my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
