Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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