I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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