I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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