I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
