That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
