She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
