My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
