you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
