i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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