So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
