Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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