Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
