If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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